peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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