Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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