her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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