Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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