porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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