i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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