Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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