Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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