I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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