new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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