2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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