I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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