GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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