To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
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HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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