no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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