Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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