im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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