I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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