I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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