If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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