I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize