This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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