You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize