You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize