There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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