I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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