I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize