Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize