y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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