her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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