we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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