when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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