Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
even my farts smell like vagina
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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