well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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