dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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