dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if only i could text you this smell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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