you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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