just survived the first fart of the relationship.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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