ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize