she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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