Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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