Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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