Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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