Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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