I hope mine doesn't look like that
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize