so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize