you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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