Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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