Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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