do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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